In limbo

Yesterday, I went to the movies with my brother and sister. Although I was taken aback by the fact that my brother initiated the whole sibling outing, I enjoyed it thoroughly. With less than a month before I leave, time to spend with them is becoming more precious. We went to go see Inception. The first three words that come to my mind when asked to describe the movie are; insane, masterpiece, mind-boggling. (Yes, that's one word - it's hyphenated!) The movie Inception is complicated to say the least. But, the one thing that's always at the center of discussion is how to tell the difference between reality and a dream. How do you know that your dream is a dream. And how do we know that what we perceive to be reality, is really only a dream. Or sometimes do we go through reality, longing to return to the dream world? The whole concept of dreams is such a huge subject. Are dreams our perception of reality or are they merely a figment of our imagination? In the movie, Leonardo Dicaprio's character was in limbo - the deepest stage of the dreamworld. But to him, this dream world was his reality. (Don't worry, I'm not going to spoil the movie for you if you haven't seen it yet.) So I pose this question, are you living in a dream or in reality? Are you making reality your dreamworld? Weird, huh? I honestly think that the term in limbo refers to the unknown world. When you say, "My job security is in limbo," you're really saying, "I don't know if I'll have my job tomorrow or not." So is your reality in limbo? Or is your dreamworld in limbo?

I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine. I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky

You're probably scratching your head about the title of today's blog. If you don't follow current music, then you probably won't recognize the lyrics or have any idea who Jason Derulo is. He is a fairly new music artist, and his current hit that's out right at this minue is called Ridin Solo. In the song, he talks about how great he feels, having moved on from a bad breakup with a girlfriend. He tells her in the song, that he's moved past the pain of being hurt, and tells her that he doesn't want her back. These particular lyrics, "I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine. I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky," sum up how I have been feeling for the past week! Tonight I attended the wedding of a friend/co-worker from this past school year. Naturally, the entire group of teachers from school all sat together at the reception. Everyone seemed to know about my impending move. Everyone seemed excited for me, which made me even more excited! There is another line in the song that says, "I'm living life like I'm free." Some of you may know that this is not the first time I said I was moving to Spain. I canceled plans earlier in the spring and even turned down a job at the end of June. But when this opportunity presented itself, it was too good to be true. I've realized in the past year that I have to live life like I'm free. Everyday, it seems like I hear of someone else who has had a child or gotten married. I don't want you to think that I am judging people on their decisions, because I'm not at all. All I'm saying is that life isn't for me at the moment. I really am riding solo. I based this decision on what I wanted. Not what anyone else wanted or said I should do. I have no reason not to go to Spain. Several people in the past few days have told me that they wished they waited before they settled down to do what I'm doing. The fact that I've based this decision solely on what I want, makes it even sweeter. In order to get the most out of life, you feally must live life like you're free. What if we went through life with the old ball and chain? Or what if we based our decisions on what was expected of us. I've been guilty of doing that, and let me tell you, I was MISERABLE. For so long, I worried about pleasing other people and not myself. I woke up one morning and realized that I didn't know myself at all. The first time I went to Spain, I had a rough first two weeks. I had no support system and I was on my own. I had never been in a situation before where I was truly by myself. But that situation was one that I had to go through in order to be where I am to day. I had to first love myself before anyone else. And once I started doing that, then I was able to learn what I really wanted out of life. By any means am I saying that I'm just going to saunter through life. I'm not. I know eventually I will have to settle down with a career. Being almost 25, I'm stuck in the in-between stage. A quarterlife crisis, if you will. And I've finally broken through all of the heartache and pain I went through with that time of my life. I truly am feeling like a star and loving my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. The first verse of the song that I've been referring to starts out by saying, "Finally doing me and it feels so right". Touche to that, Jason Derulo! Just try it for a day and live your life like you're free.

I could care less about the price of gas now....

Yes, you read that right. After seven years of being a member in the "I think gas is ridiculously overpriced" club, I have traded in (or in my case, sold) the keys to my car in exchange for living a life that depends solely on public transportation and the kindness of people who have cars. This morning I sold my car, further cementing the notion that I really am moving to Spain. Somedays I wake up and ask if it is really happening. Well, it really is. Otherwise, I'll be stuck with a plane ticket and without means of transportation....The funny thing is that when I first bought this car, I hated it. I hated it because it wasn't my car. If it weren't for the idiot who rear-ended me and totaled my car five years ago because he spit gum out the window, I'd probably still be driving my beloved white Malibu. (Mind you, I would have also had car payments up until last year....) But now that my little Mystique is in the hands of somebody else, I have to admit I'm sad. My car was the one thing I had to let go of permanently. Yes, I'm leaving friends and family behind, but they will always be there for me and I can always communicate with them, despite the distance. But my car was the one thing that will never be replaced. Yes, I will eventually get my BMW 750 that I have been lusting after for the past three years, but it will never be THAT car. My car represented different characteristics of my life here - stability, dependability. The inside of my car represented my life too - it was a mess - a mumbo jumbo of miscellaneous pieces of my life, but all of these pieces came together and I knew exactly what each piece meant. My car was like my life here - although it was messy, it was stable, dependable, and predictable. And in the blink of an eye it was all gone...

Let the adventure begin

My life will be completely change in one month and two days, for any of those who care. The first word that comes to mind when someone asks me how I feel about moving is, "Excited." That pretty much sums up my entire thought process. To make matters worse, I'm entering the home stretch of my summer job and to say I'm ready for it to be over with would be an understatement....This entire move has been made possible by nothing but God's will. He put it together. I just fine-tuned everything :) For those of you who know me, (and this mainly goes out to the one person who is reading this blog. Yes, I'm talking about you....you know who you are,) I've always made my life transparent through social networking, so here goes another way to make my private life not-so-private. The first time I went, I had a journal and logged my thoughts (yes, with pen and paper) about my trip. This time, I'm going with the blog. So to all six of my adoring fans, here's a way to keep up with me and share in my experiences as I embark on this new chapter in my life.

Hasta,
Sarah